Going into a week off work and daycare, I envisioned fun activities and growth with my 1 and 4-year-old littles. Unfortunately, my husband couldn't take time off, but we planned to make the best of it.

Then the migraines started. Sickness spread from one child to the next, and then to me. And then a different variation of sick made its rounds.  The days became long and messy, filled with shouting, crying, and endless TV.

By the end of the week, as my health improved, I realized postpartum rage had taken hold. Shame crept in.

Fortunately, with my experience practising and teaching self-compassion, mindfulness, and understanding the thought-mood-environment connection, I avoided deep shame.

I had a heartfelt chat with my family, apologized for my frustration and anxiety, and discussed what I would do differently in the future.

Making Lemonade Out of Lemons

This challenging experience led me to write about considerations with postpartum rage and reminders for repairing relationships. Here are some key takeaways to practice repairing the relationship following postpartum rage:

1. Be kind and understanding towards yourself

• Plan B with Understanding: Start with understanding and move on to a new plan with kindness and creativity. 
• Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. See mistakes as chances to learn instead of getting caught up in unhelpful thoughts. This kindness helps you avoid a downward spiral and move forward positively and effectively.

2. Recognize and Adapt to Your New Limits

•   Changed Limits: Understand that your ability to handle stress has changed since having a baby. Feeling overwhelmed and being "touched out" can show new sensitivities you never knew you had!
• Sensory Overload: Notice how too much noise or activity affects you. Overstimulation can affect your executive functioning (mental skills that help you plan, focus, remember instructions, and manage tasks) and energy levels - looking at you, Neurodivergent Mama. Pay attention to your limits and adjust your environment and expectations as needed.

3. Golden Opportunity

•  Seize the day: Use this moment to model emotional literacy, especially for toddlers who are learning the building blocks of language. 
• Name Your Emotions:  It's important to say how you feel, say sorry for any hurt, and talk about what you will do differently next time. 
• Learning Together: Remember that everyone in the family is learning. Show that it's okay to try, fail, and try again.

4. Prioritize Self-Care

•  Emotional Strength: Realize that not taking care of yourself makes it harder to handle uncomfortable emotions and stress. It makes you more vulnerable to tough situations.
• Self-Care Routine: Do small things to take care of yourself, like having some comfort food, to boost your well-being. Cut yourself some slack and create a self-care routine that makes sense to YOUR brain and supports YOUR needs.

Final Thoughts

Postpartum rage is tough, but it also offers chances for growth and connection. By acknowledging your emotions, being kind to yourself, and prioritizing self-care, you can repair and strengthen your relationships, creating a more supportive and understanding environment for you and your family.